What I should have said- By Susan Thomas

Thought about what I should have said,
thousands of times through the years.
All the should haves
and could haves.
Only making the regret
of my wobbly backbone grow.
We were just kids.
Perhaps that explains your cruelty.
Your words may have seemed small,
no big deal,
taken as a single piece of dialogue.
If taken with the whole situation,
many people would gasp,
many would be horriffied,
many might ask what your damage is.
You said my pants were tight,
I hadn't had the chance to shop for something new.
You said my striped shirts were lame,
but yet I see you the very next year...
wearing a nearly identical shirt,
that you said was so lame.
You said my hair was ugly
and went well with my fat face.
Strange these words should be used,
as when they were said...
I had trouble maintaining a healthy weight.
I hated food.
Eating was a chore.
If the insult had been more persistant
I may have easily slipped into an eating disorder.
Thankfully your words didn't have that affect.
You would call me stupid.
Funny you would call me this.
It was obvious you didn't believe it,
after all
wasn't it you that tried to copy my answers to the quiz?
Joke is on you.
I knew what you tried to do
and threw the quiz.
You called me worthless,
 a waste of space.
I surely wasn't worthless to those who cared for me.
I surely am not a waste of space to the man upstairs.
It's these words that bother me most.
Not because they were some of many
that caused me depression
and thoughts of suicide,
but because you have children now.
How can someone
who tells another they are worthless
capable of raising a child in a healthy manner.
Won't they learn that pushing people down
and making them question
their self worth
is the right thing to do?
After all you set a fine example
of how to step on people
just because they aren't like you
and don't think like you.
I fear for your children
and any children
that suffer at their hands
because of you.