Pleasant Smiles- By Susan Thomas

Their words cut deep
deep deep into my soul
burned like a fire
trying to devour my independence
my self esteem
any good feeling
that struggled to survive the raging fire
the raging fire of ignornace
and hate they put there
before they came
such words would have rolled off like water
leaving me unaffected
still proud of myself
but these tricksters
were diffrent
they wormed their way in
they had friendly smiles
at the first glance
they called me friend
we talked
became close
then their true face began to show
friendly conversations
turned into cruel whispers
that I could always hear
the glances
the cruel laughter ringing in my ears
they took my words
words to find out why
and twisted them
twisted them into something dark and childish
soon all believed their lie
soon even I believed their lie
I believed I was worthless
ugly
stupid
a waste of space
I begin to think
why stay
their cruelty infected my soul
gave me a disease
took away my smile
and everything good
Soon death
seemed a pleasant option
but God held my hand
kept me from taking that last step
now that I've walked from the darkness
back into the light
he asks me to forgive
and I struggle with this demand
how to forgive those people
who gave that terrible disease
that still lurks deep inside
I know I must forgive
but I don't now how
so I try each day
and each day get one step closer
almost there now
but still not quite there
I look forward to the day
I can finally let go
of all the hurt they gave
and finally extinguish that flame
that still desires to devour