To Kill or Not To Kill- By Susan Thomas

     It was a bitterly cold winter's day that day. That day that I faced one of the most difficult decisions of my life. You see I was given a gift. God gave me a sort of ticket. He told me I could go back in time to change one event in history, but if I changed my mind I could always come back without  changing anything. One historical event stuck out most in my mind. An event in history that was so horrible that some preferred to think that it never happened at all. I of course was thinking of the holocaust.
     Sure the stigma that led to the whole thing was probably built up over several years, but would it have gained any traction if they had been robbed of such a strong and charismatic leader? Was it possible that by eliminating Hitler that perhaps the Holocaust could be avoided or was it doomed to happen anyway? Would taking his life not make a difference? Either way I felt I had to give it a shot.
    I found myself in Austria on April 20, 1889. I could hear his cries coming from down the hallway of the hospital of which he was born. I don't know how I knew it was him, I just knew. I couldn't explain it. I somehow found myself able to understand the foreign language around me and I somehow wound up there dressed in appropriate attire. I waited for the doctor's to take the baby away while the mother rested and when they came out I carefully followed them to the nursery.
    When I was sure the baby was alone I crept in. I pulled a handkerchief from my pocket with the intention of suffocating him. People would probably chalk it up to a baby mysteriously dying in his sleep. I walked over cautiously to where he lay sleeping.
    I looked down and he looked so innocent laying in his hospital crib. He looked sweet and kind of cute. This baby had know idea the pain he was to cause so many. His parents didn't suspect the kind of hate their child would carry. They had hopes and dreams for him. Could I really deny them the right to try and raise him right? I just couldn't bring myself to smother him. He was only a baby and hadn't done anything yet. Who was I to judge him and condemn him for something he hadn't even done it. Instead I took a piece of small paper from my pocket and scribbled a note to his parents warning him of what he could become if special care was not taken.
    I slept the note in with the baby. I then felt a cool breeze as I began to fade back to my time. For a few moments I saw the past and future at the same time. I saw the doctor walk in and see the paper. He read it and scoffed at it and threw it in the garbage. I tried to stop my return, but my time was up. I had the chance to avoid one of the biggest massacres in history and I wussed out. I felt as if the blood of those innocent people was on my hands now.
     I then heard a small voice in the breeze as I fully returned to my time. It told me that I did what was right. It would have been wrong to kill a innocent baby. That the baby was presented with many chances to change and shunned them all. That such a thing happened broke his heart as well, but he gave us free will. He did not have control over the man's actions and he was with his chosen people in those times. He suffered with them and shed tears with them. He never meant for it to happen, but sometimes men choose the devil and turn him away. Although I realized there was never anything I could have done I still felt guilty and always would.

Dear Loved Ones-By Susan Thomas

Dear Loved Ones-

To those that have passed- I love you dearly and miss you much. My dear grandparents I miss you so much. I look at my life today and wish you were here to see how far I've come and how I've finally found my happiness. I know you are watching over me, but there are events in my life that just weren't the same without you. I am who I am and over came my hardships because I had your example to look up to. All my precious family who are no longer here my heart will never forget my love for you. My mind may fade with age, but my love for you will always be there even if I can't remember it.
To the family I grew up with- I love you and appreciate you. You helped shape who I am. If it hadn't been for your constant love and support I would have fallen apart. You saved my life just by knowing you loved me and were there for me if I needed your help. I knew I had a father and brother who would do almost anything to protect me. A mother who would do whatever she could to ease whatever I might be going through. It was your love that stopped my thoughts of suicide as a teenager. It was your love that helped guide me back to my faith and happiness. I can't thank you enough for that.
To the family I live with-I love you both. There was a time in life I thought I was destined to live my life alone. I thought I would wind up that old lady with only a dog for company. Not cats because I'm allergic. When I gave up hope for a family of my own my dear husband entered my life. He made me realize people can be trusted and I could have that family. He has helped me rebuild trust in my relationships, strengthened my faith, and made me a better person all around. He forces me to look at myself in a positive way and tells me to stop when I start bashing myself. My dear son has brought me such joy that it is hard to describe. I didn't know I was capable of loving him so much. I didn't think my heart was big enough. He made my heart grow and seeing him over come so many obastacles at such a young age makes me a proud mom. I look forward to watching him grow and helping him become independent and learn right from wrong among other things.
To my new family- I have only known you for about four years, but your love and generosity seems boundless. I felt accepted by you without any problems. When I first met you I was nervous, but you put my nerves at ease with your warm hearts and compassion. The big bear hug I recieved from my father in law made me realize I had nothing to worry about. I can be myself around you without worrying about judgement. I love you all and am proud to call you family.
To my extended family-I love you so much. My cousins were my first friends. Even though we live far apart it is easy to pick up where we left off when see each other once more. It is a joy knowing you and I look forward to seeing you again. To my aunts and uncles you were always good about being a home away from home. Each one of you is unique and each one of you always had something fun to offer. Whether it be fun activites or really awesome food. I could count on you all to help me forget my troubles. To let me be a regular kid instead of that girl with seizures. I love you all. Thank you all for your kindness, compassion, and encouragement.
To my longest friend-You know who you are. Our friendship seems to last the test of time and long distances. I may not always keep in touch but my best wishes and prayers are with you. I can never thank you enough. I have never thanked you for the positive impact you had on my life. You came into my life when I was very angry with the man upstairs. I was so angry with him that if I had the chance I would have strangled him, but your faith was a strong light. Through you I was able to realize I was angry at myself and it just felt better to blame Him. I thank you so much for being a woman of faith that helped me find my way again. I can never thank you enough and I wish you happiness. With upcoming  events I think your happiness is a sure thing.
To all my friends past and present-You all have brought something wonderful to my life in some shape or form. It was your friendships that helped me discover my passions. That helped me form my own opinions. That helped me see the world from different perspectives. I fear if it weren't for you I would be a harsh and judgmental person. Knowing a diverse mixture of people has helped me to try and view the world from different perspectives. You have made the world a much more fascinating place. I care for you all and always hope for the best for all of you. I pray for you all when I feel you may need them or if you pop into my mind during my time with God.
To the almighty father-I have doubted you and cursed your name, but you forgave me and invited me back. Your love and grace continues to amaze me. How you have blessed my life amazes me. I just can't begin to fathom what I did to deserve the wonderful things in my life. You have always been there to help me even when I was being stubborn and independent. You were always there. You knew what I was going through when I tried to hide it from others. You planted thoughts in my heart that I was not capable of that in turn saved my life. I love you and don't deserve your love. All I can do is try my best and hope it is good enough. I may fight you and want my own way, but your way always turns out the best. One of these days I will learn not to fight you so much.

Love all of you always-
Susan

An Interview with my Ten Year Old Self-By Susan Thomas

     I sat in a plain white room with a grey tiled floor, the only furniture was two wooden chairs. I sat in one and my ten year old self sat in the other. I stared at her glasses that were to big for her face, her freckles, and long hair. She was wearing clothes a kid from the 90s might wear. I sat and waited for myself to speak.
     Myself glared at me for a moment and then cleared her throat: "So you are a professional writer right?"
     Wow. I had almost forgotten about that dream. The question made me realize how much had changed during the years. "No, not professional. It is just a hobby."
     "Just a hobby! What happened to the plan? ...You know we are supposed to be a  famous and rich writer and rub it in the mean kids faces!"
     "The plan was tossed. I don't love it the way I used to. I've found a new passion."
     "Okay, what is it then. What is so much better than being a writer?"
     "I'm currently going to school to become a psychologist."
     My small self just stared at me with a confused look on my face.
      "That sounds boring and it doesn't count. What do you do now!"
     " Well I'm a full time student so I have a part time job that I go to when school is out. I work in a deli."
     " That sounds boring. You are supposed to be doing something interesting."
     " Sorry it's not up to your standards, but I am quite happy with my life."
    I looked at myself in disbelief. My small self couldn't comprehend how I could be happy without being a writer.
    " What's so great about your life then?"
    "Well I'm married, have a son, and have been seizure free for over five years."
    A look of disgust crept across my small face, which was slowly followed by a look of confusion.
    " Eeeeeewwwwww! You had a baby. We swore after that health video that we would never ever do that. It is gross!"
    "You'd be surprised how your mind will change. Giving birth to our son was one of the best experiences of my life. Even though it was hard at times."
    "What the heck is a seizure?"
    "You'll find out. Just remember when you find out that you just have to keep fighting."
    "Right...soooo...do we write at all? Are we still friends with Lara?" (Name was changed.)
    "I write for a hobby. For fun. As for Lara, well let's just say you should have written down her new number. We haven't seen her in years."
    "This interview sucks. You are not what I want you to be. I'm leaving to go write. You know that thing you used to love doing?"
    "I still like writing."
    "Sure."
   My small self stormed out of the barren room. The whole weird experience just left me to think how much I changed over the years. How I wouldn't change a thing. Some of it was tough and regrettable, but I am who I am because I went through it all.  My small self would just have to learn.

Laughter is the Best Medicene-By Susan Thomas

     I just couldn't take it anymore. It was the same thing every single day. I could just not attend, but that would be letting them win. I would not let these vulgar people win. I would win, I vowed to myself as their laughter seemed to echo in my ears.
     It was gym class and the teacher hadn't graced us with his presence yet. So the others usual faviorate past time was just getting started. They would surround me in a circle and laugh at me while pointing out flaws I was already sensitive about. They'd laugh at the scar on my arm or the mole on my cheek. Things that were out of my control. They'd just laugh and laugh making me feel tinier and tinier by the second. They made me feel so small that at times I felt like I could hide in a shoe box.
     This session of laughter was a little different. My fantasies begin to mix with reality. It was common place for me now to picture all the different ways I could kill them. I could stop imagining anytime I like usually, except for this time. For some reason the gruesome pictures weren't disappearing. A pool of blood was at my feet. Laughter had turned into screams of terror.  I smacked my head to make the images go away, but to my surprise my hand smeared something hot and sticky all over my face. I looked down at my hands and noticed they were covered in blood.
     I screamed as I tried harder to make the images go away. I could hear others screaming for help and for some reason I was moving towards them. Next thing I knew there was silence and then the teacher walked in. I heard him exclaim: "Dear God What have you done?"
     I spaced out and when I was aware of where I was I was in the back of a police car. I looked out the car window and saw them carrying bodies out in black bags.
     "Dear God the images won't stop! Make them stop!"
     A officer turned around and looked at me. He bent down and pointed at me angrily from the other side of the door. "You shut up! You've done enough!"
     Was this man saying I actually carried out my dark fantasies. Of course not. I was simply having a really bad dream. I would wake up any time now and find that it was time to go to school.

Untitled-By Susan Thomas

Fiddle Dee Dee
Fiddle Dee Dum
Peanuts eating a drum
bum bum bum
bumpers licking thumbs
om om om
thumbs sticking up plums
plums sitting bums
bums blowing mum
mum kissing buns
buns are done
and done is done

Dear Jelly-By Susan Thomas

Dear Jelly-

You are the most beautiful condiment I have ever come across. You are more beautiful than mayonnaise, mustard, and ketchup put together. Your taste is sweet and yummy and when you combine with me we are the perfect match. I adore you.
I didn't  know the true happiness of a sandwich
until there was you.
The way you jiggle and don't spread yourself easily is one of the most beautiful things I ever seen. Your perfect color, somewhat clearness, and lumpiness make my peanuts beat faster. One look at you and I want to stick to you like glue.  Since the first time we met you are the only thing I want to be with in between two slices of bread.
Oh dear Jelly how you bring me joy. I picture  a long life of our jars side by side. I could meet your siblings. All your lovely flavors. You could meet mine and perhaps one day combine to make something new. My dear jelly if you love me to won't you be mine?

Your admirer,
Peanut Butter

Falling Sky-By Susan Thomas

     I stepped outside into the cool, crisp, fresh air. Living in the country was a blessing. It was always quiet and peaceful. I took in the air and let the smell of the country soak into my skin. There was nothing quite like the country. It somehow felt safer out here.
     I began to notice the breeze picking up. The forecast hadn't said that it was going to be windy, but then again the weather forecast was never that reliable. I soon realized that wind was getting really strong so I ducked for cover back into my small cottage. I then heard a loud crash in  my living room.
     I then ran to see what the noise was. I was perplexed to see a large hole in the ceiling. I was even further mystified when I saw a chunk of light blue laying on my hard wood floor. I walked over and picked it up to examine it closer. I was shocked to realize that it was a chunk of sky.
     I then rushed to the window and looked out. I was shocked to see giant chunks of sky crashing to the ground destroying the earth. I rushed outside and looked up. Terrified I realized a chunk of sky was headed right for me.
     "Oh cra..."

Just Another Day-By-Susan Thomas

     Suddenly I could hear the baby crying over the black and white video monitor. Even though I heard him crying I continued to lay in bed with my pink fuzzy eye mask on. I knew that last night was my husband's turn, so that meant he would go take care of our son. It worked well like this on a Friday because soon I would have to get up and get ready for school. I heard him beginning to shift in bed as he prepared to get out of bed. I didn't dare move in case he asked me to get up this one time. I would gladly do so, but I really wanted some more sleep. I then heard him sit up and then mumble in a groggy tone, "I guess I'm up."
     I listened to him exit the room and then I desperately tried to fall back into a deep slumber. As I tried to sleep I could hear my husband walk into our son's room. I could hear him talking to the baby, but I was trying so hard to sleep I wasn't really listening. At this point it was just back round noise to help me sleep. I heard him exit the room. I knew he must have our son and being heading to the living room to watch Little Bill with him. It was a morning ritual for the two of them.
     I must have laid there for at least forty minutes trying to sleep again, but I was beginning to realize it just wasn't going to happen. I shifted onto my back and began to work up the gumption to get up. I heard my husband come back into the bedroom. I peeked out from the bottom of my pink sleep mask without touching it. My husband was standing there in his sleep shirt and briefs staring at me with an exhausted look on his face. I removed my mask and tossed it on the side table beside me. I didn't bother to really look because the mess on my side table disturbed me. I really needed to clean it, but compared to other things I needed to do it just didn't rank that high on my list. 
     "Do you want to spend some time with your son before you get ready for school," my husband asked in a hopeful voice.
     I thought about teasing him briefly, but decided it was to early for that. "Sure."
     "Thank God. I can get more sleep. He was up a lot last night."
     I suddenly felt bad. I began to regret not getting up to get our son when I heard him earlier. I should have let my husband sleep a little. If I had known I wouldn't have stayed in bed.  I began to get up as my husband climbed back into bed.
     "When are you getting ready for school?"
     "Not till 8:45."
     "I get another thirty minutes sleep."
      I just nodded as I left the room. Upon exiting the room I quickly realized that Benjamin was back in his crib and close to freaking out. I hastened my pace a little as I headed to my son's room. I saw him lying on his back diagnoly facing the window. He saw me peek over the side of his crib and a big smile crept across his face. His smile always made my day. My heart warmed at the site of it. He reached his arms up as if to tell me that he wanted to be picked up. I smiled at him and picked him up. One of his small arms landed on my shoulder. He held himself up as he looked around his small room. His focus was on the white double doors of his room. I had a suspicion he could hear the tv in the living room.
      Once in the living room I sat on the brown lazy boy recliner. I could see his pink bottle sitting on the tall lamp next to me. The lamp was boxed in shape and had three shelves. The top shelf had his bottle, a minuature bottle of wine that would probably never be opened, empty coke cans, and the one wine glass from our wedding that didn't break. The second shelf had the wooden box my husband made for me with his love letter safely tucked inside, a empty pringles can, our wedding rubber ducks, and the baby thermoter. The last shelf had his baby proofing supplies that would soon be used as our son was close to crawling now.  Ben reclined in my arms and the two of us watched the rest of Little Bill together.
     At some point he fell asleep in my arms. I let him cuddle in my arms until my morning alarm on my phone went off. I had just recently replaced my old phone with a new Samsung Galaxy S3. When it went off I put the recliner back in the uncomfortable position as I liked to think of it and slowly got up trying hard not to wake the baby. I then placed him in his crib and covered him with his knitted blanket. We only put knitted blankets in his crib because he could breathe through the blanket.  I then walked back to the bedroom.
     My husband slowly opened his eyes. I told him that Ben was napping and he could continue to sleep. I then turned the monitor back on and my husband rolled over and went to sleep. I walked to the bathroom and sat on the toilet like I did every morning. When I was done I got up and stood there for minute and debated about showering. I decided not to as I had showered the night before. I then turned to the sink and brushed my teeth. I then went back to the bedroom and grabbed some black yoga pants and put them on. I picked out a navy blue t shirt and black sweater and put them on as well after I applied my dove powder scented deodrant.  I then sprayed some cheap vanilla scented body spray on and then went to my side of the bed and took my pills.
     I was now ready for just another routine day in my life.

My Goal

I've decided that I'm going to try and do one writing prompt everyday for a year. Starting today Feb 21 2014.  What inspires this? Mostly I just started at BGSU and have decided to minor in creative writing. I think this will help me develop my writing skills. So I ask those who read this blog for a favor. Please leave  comments on what can be improved in any story I write. You can't be to harsh or hurt my feelings. Trust me when I tell you that anything you have to say is nothing compared to how harsh I am on myself.
Secondly if you have any ideas on something you would like me to try and write about please feel free to leave that in the comments as well. I'll be needing as many ideas as possible.
Lastly for those who visit this blog to keep on my ancestor Elsie Heberling's novel. I will still try and post chapters when I can. Just keep an eye out. I will finish posting her novel and try and get her other stuff up as well. It just might take some time.  Thank you for your support.